1. Doing everything for someone else actually does more harm than good. Not only does it strip them of their own power and growth- it creates an imbalanced dynamic. If they are allowing you to do everything for them, it’s a red flag. Healed, emotionally available people won't allow a relationship to be one sided. There should be an equal level of giving and receiving.

If you take an untrained puppy on a walk- it's going to try to pull you in all different directions
It will roll in something dead and try to run out in front of traffic to chase a leaf that’s blowing across the road
It’s going to be scared of new situations and places it's never been
It might eat something it's not supposed to
It WILL act impulsively

Anything that we repeat (practice), becomes easier. That action becomes the path of least resistance.

It's counterintuitive. You think that avoiding the hard things makes life easy. But actually, you’re creating your own chains

It's so ironic how as a people pleaser, I created my ENTIRE identity around making people comfortable and accepted.
Being easy on them, not pushing them too far.
Doing the work to emotionally regulate them.
Talking them down off ledges.
Lowering my expectations so I don't upset or challenge them.
Making myself smaller, so that they could feel better.

Photo taken from the parking garage at Miami Valley Hospital on July 14th, 2023

The day I walked out of that hospital, got to my car and looked out at the world and finally started to realize that I wasn't the one admitted and stuck in a hospital bed.

I was actually free. I could go outside and stare at the sky. I could go anywhere that I wanted to.

I wasn't the one hooked up to IVs, being told over and over again that I would die if I didn't stop drinking.

I was still healthy, even if I was holding on by a thread, barely over 100lbs and living on red bull and takis at the time

I realized that I could scramble to find a babysitter and neglect my own life, sanity business and children, to drive back to the hospital again- making sure to bring him food and clean clothes or his charger, or whatever else, to try to make sure that he felt loved and supported and cared about. To try to love him into sobriety and healing.